I finished a book late last night... What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. It's been a long time since a book affected me like this one did. I've thought so much about it, even when I wasn't reading at the moment. I cried... okay, even sobbed a little bit. Basically, this woman hits her head, wakes up, and thinks she is 10 years younger and pregnant with her first child. The reality is that she has three children, she's getting a divorce, and her relationship with her sister is strained. She doesn't remember her children... they are strangers to her. She is deeply in love with her husband, and doesn't have any idea how they could be divorcing... anyway, I won't ruin it for anyone, because you might want to read it.
It got me thinking about myself 10 years ago, and what my 26 year old self would think of my life now. 10 years ago I had a little baby... my third. I lived in a sweet little town in Cache Valley, but moving to Idaho was on the horizon. I think there are some things that I would be pleasantly surprised about... wow, I'm a photographer? I run? I teach classes at the gym? Me? No way! I'm the YW president? But perfect people are YW presidents... so I must be perfect. (Ha!) I live in another cute old house? So fun! I'd be pleased that my relationship with Brandon has grown, and that I still love him more than anything. And my kids... I'd be shocked at how big they are, how grown up, how wonderful. I know I never really could picture that happening to me.
I'd be really disappointed in a lot of things too. I didn't learn how to keep a sparkly clean house? Darn it. There are people I love that we hardly speak to each other? How on earth would that happen? (Because back then I thought everyone liked me... why wouldn't they?) I would wonder how I became so cynical and guarded, and wonder how so many things I loved in life had lost their magic. I think I would be a little overwhelmed by my life now.
So, it got me thinking... about how I don't want to lose the good things about my younger self. I don't want to change in negative ways as I get older. Growth and change are good, but going backwards from who I really want to be isn't. I don't know how to fix some of the things that are sad about me now, but I want to... I'd want my 26 year old self to like who I am now in every way. Anyway, lots more to think about... I kind of wish I had written notes to my future self every decade or so. It would be interesting, and possibly depressing to read who I thought I would be. I guess I still could write those notes... and hope my 46 year old self is a lot better than my 36 year old self. :)
9 comments:
I'll have to add that one to my reading list. Thanks for sharing.
Mindy I think you are wonderful in every way, no one is perfect but you are very kind and talented. We love you :)
Hey, Mindy. You really got me thinking about my younger self versus my older self. I think that being guarded in ways is not necessarily bad. It means that we've learned not to be walked on so easily. Being taken advantage of is not really a good thing. Don't be upset about being a little guarded. In fact, I call that wisdom! You really are awesome and as I've said before, you inspire me! You're on the right path!:)
This was a beautiful post, Mindy. I am about to head back to Italy for the first time since my mission and I already have similar thoughts returning... How can I keep what I was then as part of who I am now? There were so many powerful things that were strong/vibrant in me then... Here's hoping I catch some of that vision again just by going back...
You are incredible, as always.
Isn't it hard to be a woman? To have insecurities. I have had a lot of those same thoughts. I worry about the judgements that I feel others are passing on me. Some one pointed out to me that most people are too busy to really judge us. They are more worried about doing their own thing and surviving life and judging themselves. I know I fall in that category.
If you are doing things that make you, your family, and God happy-what else matters? You aren't perfect, but you are good, at a lot of things.
If only people were kinder, including us to ourselves.;)
I have found myself in this very position time after time. I want to be open, share, express myself. And yet, there are moments I want to hide every part of me from everyone and protect myself and my heart from hurt and judgement and comments that can only tear the soul down.
I just hope you know I love you--so very much--and that regardless of who you THOUGHT you would be, the person I know is pretty darn incredible...
I love you Mindy! I can't help but be a better person when I am around you. And I think your perfect, so you have fooled me if your not:) Sparkling house...who needs it as long as you have happy kids and good friends. And if your kids tell you your an awful mom, then that just means your are the best mom ever and really good at your job. Seriously, a person can't help but be better when they are around you. I should know, I am one of them. Love you Mindy. Thank you for being you.
Someone else was just telling me about this book I think I need to borrow it from you. I love how you can express your self so well in a post I never feel like I can get it out there right.
with age comes wisdom. wisdom sometimes isn't what we had hoped it would be but it's necessary. you know what i mean right?
you, my beautiful little blonde friend, are an amazing woman. i will guarantee you that you have so many things about you that are wonderful now that you wouldn't have even thought you'd want 10 yrs ago.
and, i thinked you've learned that there are more important things than a sparkly clean house...happy kids, running, using that talent for photography that you have to enrich your family, the list goes on and on and on!!
love you!!
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