2009... a year that I won't be sad to say goodbye to. I think this has been a hard year for almost everyone I know... and that has made it all that much harder for me. I don't think I've been very nice or compassionate or helpful to anyone else this whole year, and I really feel bad about that. I'm sorry if I've not been there for any of you when you needed me... I was struggling to keep my own head above water, and although I know that's not a good excuse, it is what it is.
I was talking to Brandon the other day about how this year, more than any other, I've felt like I haven't been able to stay on top of anything... I've felt like every part of my life has been a struggle, except for one. I've done a pretty good job this year of exercising. Yeah, that's a good thing, but when that's the ONLY thing I've felt that I've done well? Sounds pretty pathetic and selfish, I think.
I've let my kids down, I've let Brandon down, I've let my house go, I've let my friends and family down, I've been ornery, tired, unproductive, and I've really felt that I let my Heavenly Father down this year. We all know that if we're not feeling very close to Him, there's no question about who has moved. I've begged for answers through all of our tough times this year and have felt like there were no answers. I've only felt that we've made mistake after mistake with life decisions, and we can't undo most of them.
The good thing (yes, this post isn't going to be a complete downer) is I've started to see the light... I have felt that 2010 CAN be a good year, and there is hope. I'm actually feeling like I might be able to be a better wife and not complain. I might be able to be a better mom and show my kids more love. I might be able to be a better sister, daughter, friend, and look outside of my own self every once in awhile. I might be able to stay on top of the housework and laundry... sometimes. (We're not going to get any miracles here! ;) I am so excited for a new year... a fresh start. I love chances to start over and just put the past behind me.
So, although 2009 was full of blessings... I do recognize that... I would like to say, goodbye and good riddance. And I hope I never see another year like it.
12 comments:
hERE'S to a GLORIOUS 2010. You totally deserve it! :)
You honesty and vulnerability is admirable. I'm sorry that it has been a rough year. At least when you have seen the light you can make changes and hold yourself to new standards. I have a philosophy that you get what you expect, so EXPECT a wonderful 2010 and you are sure to get it! :)
I wouldn't call keeping up on your exercise selfish and pathetic. Perhaps it is the reason the you HAVE been able to keep your head above water. Even though things have been a struggle you haven't sank. That is a good thing. Here's to a great 2010! :)
Cute background! I hope next year is better for you! You don't even have to wait until next year--go ahead and start today. :D
Sorry this year has sucked for you. But I do love that picture you posted...and your background. Here is to a better tomorrow!
2005 was a good riddance year for me. Life would have to be downright shi**y to beat that one. But 2009 was definitely not a walk in the park.
Thanks for sharing your hope. And know that even if you don't feel like you helped anyone... you did. Trust me.
Here's to a fabulous 2010.
I only have one kid and a husband that gets to be home 4 days of the week and I still don't do very well at keeping up on my house or laundry, so don't be too hard on yourself in that area I think thats just part of having kids.
Funny how it's all relative. When I am feeling down and like nothing is going right (won't be sad to see this retarded year end either, although 2010 is going to have a rough start too...but it will get better) I come to your blog. I know that you have had difficult times this year. And made it through each one with grace, faith, and something uplifting to say. I am ALWAYS uplifted when I read your blog. I always come away with something new to try in my own life or a little wisdom from your sidebar. So pooh to your messy house, you have been an example to me this year and I bet you dollars to donuts your house is cleaner than mine. :)
Melinda,
I COMPLETELY understand. I feel much the same way!
However, I do think you are being too hard on yourself. I have been blessed and uplifted by you all year long. I have soooo loved reading your comments on my blog and I LOVE reading your two blogs. I am grateful for your presence in my life and so wish I would have gotten to know you better as a person when you lived here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping each of us to be more real, more true, more inspired and more faithful.
Amen!
this next year i'm working on consistency in my life. what does that all entail you ask? i don't know yet for sure but i'm working on one thing first and then moving onto the next one. and that first one happens to be reading and praying every day again.
i feel what you mean. 2008 was down right "snowy" if you know what i mean. this year was no walk in the park either but nothing can top off 2008 for me. nearly lost my dog gone mind. if you ask certain people they say that i did lose it. -V
I'm new to your blog, but I wanted to tell you that this post hit home and it's nice to know there are people feeling just the same as me!! Here's to a better 2010!!!
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