A Post about Resolutions... and Underwear

I love Resolutions... fresh starts... deciding that TODAY is the day I start my change for the better.

Last year I made it simple... I wasn't going to sweat the small stuff, and I was going to make sure Brandon had clean underwear. Well... just this morning Brandon informed me that I obviously have more clothing than the rest of the family, because they're all out. BUT... I don't sweat the small stuff, and since I have underwear, it's nothing to worry about. ;)

Let's break it down with my questions that I wrote down to help me:

-Is it really worth getting upset over?

Nope. I have clean underwear.

-Is it worth upsetting others?

Nope. I don't want to add to the upset that is already happening.

-Is it that important?

Nope. I have clean underwear.

-Is it that bad?

Nope. I have clean underwear.

-Is the situation irreparable?

There is a washer. And a dryer. So, no.

-Is it really your problem?

Nope. I have clean underwear, and they know where the washer is.

So, there you go. I think I did a pretty good job of fulfilling last year's resolutions. ;)

This year:

I'm eliminating that "b" word from my life. (And it's not that "b" word that rhymes with "witch", because I'm pretty sure that "b" word will pop up from time to time... probably at least 12 times this year.) (My new logo courtesy of Middle-Aged Mormon Man... you have to go check out his blog!)

I'm doing a crazy healthy challenge that my friend Janice sets up every year. So, I'll be doing healthy things into March, and then we'll see. I may go back to my old self. This one's a 3 month resolution. ;)

I'm going to do a 366 photo project (leap year ;)... with my phone camera. I really stink at taking photos with the phone, so I'm hoping by the end of the year I'll have figured some things out.  Plus, since I already know that I stink at it, there won't be huge pressure to produce a good photo every day. I'll just have to produce a photo. Plus plus... there will be the added benefit of (hopefully) documenting my children's lives a little better. I'll be posting them on facebook, so you might want to save yourself the headache and just unfriend me now.

Last one: morning and night prayer EVERY day in 2012. Shouldn't be that hard, I know... but it is. 

That's it. :) What are your resolutions for 2012?

The Word I Refuse to Accept

I've thought a lot about this through the last year or so... and have decided that 2012 is going to be the year that this word vanishes from my life.

Busy.

I hate it. I always have. I cringe inside when I hear it come out of my mouth. I cringe inside when other people use it to describe me. I hate it. I hate it because it's an excuse... an excuse to shut others out, an excuse to leave out some of the important things in life, an excuse to avoid doing things we claim we want to do, and to avoid things that should be done.

When people say it about me, I never feel like it's a good thing. It feels like a criticism, even if they don't mean it that way.

We all have time to do the things that we want to do. If I say "I'm just too busy... I can't possibly do that" what it really sounds like I'm saying is that I'm doing a whole lot of things that I find much more important than you.

So, I'm changing some things in my life. The main things may seem to contradict each other, but I think you'll understand.

I am going to say no more often. There are a whole lot of things that I do that are way less important to me than, say, spending time with my kids, but I have a hard time saying no to them. I'm not going to allow so many things that are not needed into my life. I'm sure I'll still waste some time on junk, and I'll still find myself doing something for somebody or other that will make Brandon roll his eyes... but I'm going to do that less often. I'm going to spend less time on the people who don't really care about me.

I am going to say yes more often. (There's the contradiction. ;) I don't want to live in a way that people will even think to say to me that I am busy. I want to have time to go for a run with Tyler. I want to have time to go to the library for an afternoon with Cooper. I want to have time to sit on Aubrey's bed and talk for an hour. I want to have time to spend with the people who want to spend time with me, and talk to the people who want to talk to me. I want to have time to go to the temple with the girls. I want to have time to let Brandon lay on my lap while I run my fingers through his hair.

My life will still be full... very full. But it's going to be full with the things that bring me joy, and bring joy to others. I'm looking forward to a peaceful 2012. :)

Updated Photography Blog!

I've been working SO hard... hours and hours and hours... on my new photography blog. Go over and see, okay? :)

Christmas Cards!

Sorry about business on the personal blog... but my Photography Blog is under construction at the moment, and some people have been asking about these Christmas Cards. :)

I'm so excited about the Christmas Cards that I have to offer to my clients this year! I had them custom designed just for me by Charlotte at Gardunia Design! That means that my clients won't have cards the same as everyone else who goes to the local store and prints what everyone else is printing! :)

I have a few different options for ordering your very own Christmas Cards to send out to your favorite friends and family this year... and these options are available to any clients, past and present. All you have to do is let me know which photos are your favorites, I'll create your card with your photos and name, and you're set!

*Deluxe Pearl Finish 5x7 Cards with Envelopes:  25 cards/ $35*

(these are beautiful, highest quality cards printed front AND back that your loved ones will want to keep forever! You can have the back another full size photo, or send me a short personalized message to have printed on every card)

*Lustre 5x7 Cards with Envelopes: 25 cards/ $25*

(still beautiful quality, one sided)

*5x7 resolution file of your card on a disc to be sent via email, or to print as you desire: $25 per card file*

You can choose from four beautiful designs... all 25 cards will be of the same design. 

*brown*

 *joy*

 *red bar*

*snow*

Fitness Myths and Excuses... Read This if You're Ready

 I've been thinking a lot about fitness lately... not my own, necessarily, but other people's. I hear stuff all. the. time... and I figured it was time to speak up and share what I've learned over the years. First of all, I'm not an expert, and I don't know everything about everything... but I've been teaching classes at a gym for about 7? years now, I've trained for and run many races, including a marathon, and I've been a regular exerciser most of my life. So, if you're ready to hear the truth... if you're ready to get fit... if you're ready to really let go of the excuses, read this. If you're not, skip it.

So, in no particular order... truths derived from the crap I see on pinterest, the excuses I hear from people, and stuff that I've just plain-old learned.

 1. Losing weight and/or getting fit will not happen magically or easily. If you see or hear something that seems too good to be true, it is. Plain and simple. I recently saw an exercise routine that said you would burn the same amount of calories in 4 minutes of this exercise that you would in an hour of running. Bull. You won't. I also see things all the time... do this exercise for 2 minutes three times a week and you'll have a flat stomach. Uh huh... that exercise plus a whole bunch of other exercises, plus eating right. There's no magic fix. Quit longing for the easy way out and just decide to dig in and do it... if you really want results.

 2. Don't think that exercising alone will make you lose weight (another form of this is, thinking "I exercised today, therefore I can eat 5 donuts"). I've trained for a marathon (running hours in a day) and didn't lose any weight. (I wasn't trying to lose weight, but using this as an example that even hours of exercising won't cut it.) Yes, I ate more... because when you're doing that much, your body needs more fuel. You may lose a small amount on exercising, and some people may be able to exercise enough to end up with negative net calories for the day, but it won't work for most people. You HAVE to watch what you eat too. And I'm sorry to break it to you, but if you go run 3 miles, it doesn't mean you can eat 1200 extra calories in your day. A lot of people will say that they weigh more when they're exercising because they're building so much muscle. Look at what you're eating first... unless your training is massive body building, your muscle isn't going to weigh that much. (It can also be water retention, etc... but seriously, look at what you're eating first.)

 3. You do have time to exercise. I hear all the time "I wish I had time to exercise like you do". Guess what else I hear? "You're so busy! How do you fit it all in?" How can both be true? It's because exercising is one of the top things on my list. It's a priority. Yes, I have an easier schedule than a lot of people to exercise, (I can exercise during the day) but I'm not sitting around all day wondering what to do with my time. If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way. You'll get up early, you'll stay up late. You'll exercise during lunch. Want to hear some of the crazy things I've done? Waking up at 4 am to run, bringing dumbbells in my car and making up arm exercises I can do in the car on long drives, doing ab exercises while watching tv, dancing while I clean, doing exercise videos at home when my kids were little, pushing my kids in a stroller for walks, classes at 5:30 am, yoga at night... yeah, some of those aren't even that crazy. You just do what you can do to fit in what you can when you can. Maybe it might even be a long exercise session on Saturday and a few short 15 minute sessions during the week.

 4. Exercise isn't always fun. I hear this too "I wish I liked to exercise like you do." or "I wish it came easy to me like it does to you." The truth? I have days that plain old SUCK. I have runs that hurt and are miserable. I have days that I have to force myself to go to class, or to get on the bike, but I do it anyway. I've worked really really hard to get where I am. I didn't just decide to run one day and floated along with a smile on my face ever since. YES, there are days that are awesome!! Yes, there are days that I DO love it. But that has come more with time, and with habit. You're probably not going to love it at first. People who exercise regularly don't always like it... but they've learned to like the results, and the feeling after they're done. Don't think that YOU are the exception, and you don't have to exercise because you're the only one who doesn't like it.

 5. Exercise isn't just for your body. In fact, for me it's mostly for my emotional and mental well-being. If you watch for the other benefits, you'll stick with it longer. If you're only exercising to see a transformation in your body, you'll give up. That's a slooooow process, and at times discouraging. If you discover that high that you feel, or discover that feeling of accomplishment, or that sense that you can do ANYTHING... you'll keep it up far longer. And you will see results. Eventually. (And yes, that's me on my butt on the ground... I'm not very good at a lot of things, but I do them anyway. ;)

 6. You do not have to run/ bike/ do crossfit/ do zumba/ swim/ take classes/ spin/ insert whatever someone else is doing to be fit. Sometimes people really get into an exercise, and they love it, and they preach it... and you might feel that if you don't do what they're doing, you're not doing it right. I like to mix it up, some people just like one thing. Don't let anyone let you feel like you're not getting a good workout if you're not doing that one "exercise of the moment". Try them all if you want, but ultimately you have to do your thing. Not everyone is a runner. That. is. okay. Experiment... there are soooo many different ways to get fit... don't get stuck in a box.

 7. You don't have to do the same amount everyone else is doing, but you do have to do enough. Don't get caught up in the competition. If someone you know is exercising two times a day, and that's not for you... that doesn't mean you're not fit. Let the fitness freaks fly their flag, and just stay consistent. BUT... don't think that 4 minutes a day is going to cut it either. It takes time. It takes work. You decide what you want from your workouts, and don't expect more out of it if you're not willing to put more into it.

 8. You can exercise all winter. Even outside, if you want to. I've run in negative temps, and lived to tell about it. The pic above is a 5K in February that we do every year. That said, you don't have to exercise outside if you don't want to... but don't let that be your excuse not to exercise. Join a gym. Do exercise videos at home (there are even free workouts on the web). Swim. (Indoors, people!) Do a pushup challenge... whatever you want, but just do it. Winter is a time you really need that mental boost exercising will give you.

 9. Challenge yourself. Set goals, learn new things... keep yourself motivated. I didn't know how to swim until I was 35. But I learned. I just road biked for the first time in my life this fall. Yeah, I fell over a whole bunch of times trying to learn to clip in and out of the pedals, but I learned. My friend challenged me to run a 5K, and I did it. I decided to run a marathon, and I did it. Those goals and challenges have bumped my fitness up to the next level again and again. And even if my body doesn't always stay in peak condition (I couldn't run a marathon tomorrow), my mind is more accepting of new things, and new challenges, because I KNOW that I can.

 10. Surround yourself with like-minded people. I have a whole group of girls who I exercise with regularly. We push each other, we have fun together, we race together. I know that most days I can find an exercise partner if I'm in need of motivation. Find friends who will exercise with you for fun... find people that will help you get off the couch, not friends that will discourage you. (Not saying you can't be friends with the non-exercisers, just saying to find more of the exercisers to surround yourself with.) If you don't have many in real life, find some on dailymile, or join a gym. (I have so many "gym girl" friends!! I love them... and I wouldn't know near as many people if I didn't go there regularly!) My dad is another big support. We can always talk races, training, whatever... and I know when I go home to visit, I always have a running partner. He's an inspiration to me.

 11. Solo is okay too!! Don't skip exercising because you don't have someone to exercise with. I enjoy my solo runs as much as I do my group runs. I need them both to be completely happy. :) You have to find the motivation within yourself too... you can't always rely on your friends to get you there. You'll find the joy in just exercising with your own thoughts. I've solved many a problem on a solo long run. :)

12. So, I'm sure I missed a lot of things that I would want to tell you... so I might have to add more later. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, and I'll answer the best that I can! The last thing I have to leave with you is this: Everyone has to find that journey to fitness for themselves. You can't force someone to take it with you. Some people don't want to hear it, so you have to be careful... it's a hard balance for me, because I really want to help others with their fitness goals... and so many have told me that I inspired them on their fitness journey by sharing what I'm doing... but I've also had negative feedback. Ultimately, I know that I do it for me... for my own health and well-being. I hope if you want to, if you're ready... you can get there too. :)

Prayers Answered

A week ago I had a day that confirmed to me the love that my Heavenly Father has for me... and my sweet friend Charlotte wrote a blog post that reminded me that these are the things I should share...

Brandon had to go to Evanston early in the morning, and was gone by 4:00 a.m. When I got up (a wee bit later ;) I called to see how things were going. He had hit a deer, had to stop and fix his whole bumper and light so he could continue driving, and then proceeded to drive through a blizzard. I thought, wow... thank goodness he's okay! That could have been so much worse.

Then, not even an hour later, Aubrey calls me with a shaky voice. She had just been in a wreck (a friend driving) and had hit a telephone pole. Everyone in the car was okay, but they were shaken up for sure. I thought, wow... so glad she's okay. Whew!

Then, later that morning, I reformatted my memory card for my camera. A few hours later, I had a thought... that it was the card that had an entire family session on it that I hadn't uploaded yet. I prayed SO hard that somehow I had uploaded it, and it would be there, safe on my computer. It wasn't. I was panicky, sick... and I called the mom of the family, who was sweet and understanding... but obviously (and understandably) disappointed that we would have to re-shoot.

I found a program that can recover files, and worked the rest of the afternoon... miraculously recovering every single file I had shot.

I was so busy that day, and had so many things on my mind, that I hardly had a chance to think much about what was happening in my day. All of a sudden, it all hit me like a ton of bricks... I realized that Heavenly Father had been watching over me and my family the entire day. In the big things, and the little things. My files weren't magically uploaded, but they were able to be recovered (and I learned a very good lesson)... it was a little thing, but I know that he answered that frantic prayer.

But more importantly... in one day I could've lost my husband and my daughter. They were completely protected, and were okay. The feeling of overwhelming gratitude just overtook me, and I fell to my knees and sobbed a prayer of thanks. I had gone most of the day without letting myself think about what could have happened that morning, but the silly little blessing of recovered files had made me realize how very much I had been blessed that day.

He hears our prayers... our daily prayers for protection, our prayers of desperation when we've done something stupid... He hears every desire of our hearts, and He loves us enough to care... and even sometimes to say no. I am so grateful for that day a week ago... and I am committing now to be better at my prayers... to express gratitude more often... in the little things as well as the big things.

Photoshoot Exchange

I was too excited about this and had to share...

So, my friend Kristi, who is also a photographer, and I, decided to switch photoshoots and see what it's like on the other side of the camera. We had so much fun... I LOVED every minute, even though I was a little bit nervous about being a "model". And look... look what she got! I love these pics!!

And then... because I'm super lucky, I got to take pics of an incredibly gorgeous (inside and out) girl!! I can't wait to get to editing some more... but I have some other fun sessions I must edit first. ;)

I'm SO glad we did this... and so grateful for great (and beautiful) friends. :) Thank you, Kristi!!!

Lovin' This Fall

This post might be a little bit about photography... apologies in advance. ;)

I am loving my new camera. LOVING it. I felt a little bit sad that I was abandoning my first camera love... but I got over that pretty fast. ;)

I love love love when I get a chance to shoot family. Felicia wanted me to do some Halloween Minis of her three cute boys, and I was so glad that we could make it work, and that we found such a great trade. :) This pose above? I have to tell you the story. We shot a whole bunch of cute poses and when we were done, Allston said, "I've got one more pose for you"... and this was it. Cracked. Me. Up. Anyway... I really do love capturing those that I love with my camera. I wish I had the chance more often... but I do know that Vernal is a bit far to drive for pictures. ;)

This fall has been gorgeous. Beautiful. Every day is near perfection, and I feel like each day is a gift. I wish I could store a few of these days in a bottle to pull out in the middle of the dreary winter, but I'll just have to look back at my photos and remember. :)

Brandon and I went to the Matt Nathanson concert this last weekend. We might be a little bit old to stand in a club for an entire concert and get beer spilled on us... but the music was fantastic. We loved the opening band, Scars on 45, and haven't stopped listening to the cds we bought there.

Sigh... too many great things to write about them all... but it has been a really good fall season. :)

Overhearing Something Good

"overhearing someone say nice things about you"

I saw this on pinterest this morning... and it really got me thinking. Of course it's nice to overhear someone say nice things about you. How amazing is that? To know someone is saying nice things because they really think them, and not just to your face because they feel like they should. But then, I got thinking...

How many times have I said something nice about somebody that they've overheard? I hope it's happened a lot. What if I gave opportunity for it to happen more by saying more nice things? I like that idea. :) Especially with my kids... my kids should be overhearing the most nice things.

New goal for my 4th quarter comeback.  :)

Memories

When Tyler was born, Brandon found this cute little stuffed dog and brought it to his first baby boy while we were still in the hospital. We've all cherished it for almost 14 years... but it has been falling apart, and disintegrating as the years go by. (I had to work hard to get pics that you don't see the ear falling off and the huge holes... there might have been scotch tape involved. ;) I decided that photos can help us remember as well as the real thing, especially when there won't be much of the real thing left soon. :) Sweet little dog, huh?

Facebook... My Conclusions

This photo really doesn't have much to do with this post... except that I recently posted it on facebook and got so many great encouraging comments about it. That makes me happy... that makes my day brighter.

So, here's the thing. I spent a good share of my summer trying to decide if I share too much about myself online, and trying to figure out if the way I use the internet has hurt my relationships, or helped my relationships. And I think I've got it figured out... at least for myself. I'm definitely not saying that this is how everyone should use social media... I'm just saying this is how I use it.

Overall, my relationships have been strengthened because of blogging and facebook. There are the few people that it has not been a good thing with, but when I look at the big picture, I realize that I wouldn't want to give up the good things, because of a few miscommunications. Miscommunications happen in real life too. All the time.

What about privacy? Well, some things I don't share as much anymore... like my workouts. I've decided that will be more for me, and the few who really care. But ultimately, I'm just an open person. I share things, because I love and trust people. Do I get burned? Yep, sometimes I do. Do I have friends who are close to my heart because of it? Have I helped others who are going through similar things because of my openness at times? Yep, more often than not. I am still private about some things, and with some people, but I'm going to share what I want, and not worry about the few who won't like me because of it.

Some people are up in arms about the new facebook and the privacy issues there. Here's my take: facebook isn't meant to be private. Whoa. I know. It's a weird concept. If you have private things to share with others, or record for yourself, you do it in a private message, or in your own journal. Facebook can be an amazing way to share GOOD. I wanted lots of people to watch the RS General Broadcast... I shared the link and had so many people thank me for sharing it. If I "like" something, or comment on something, and someone discovers a good quote, or an inspiring story, or has a good laugh because of it, I think that's a good thing. And yes, like I said before, some are going to find fault with the things I like or say, but the majority won't.

Anyway, I've heard so much negative about facebook lately, that I wanted to put another perspective out there. I've made so many new friends, become closer to my friends, ward members, and neighbors, been inspired and enlightened, discovered things I never would've found on my own, and reconnected with cousins and friends that I probably wouldn't even know anything about it it weren't for facebook. What if, instead of being afraid of it, and jumping ship, and wanting everyone to hide everything we do... we used facebook to lift each other up? To encourage and to cheer? To share things that touch and inspire us? To connect and show love?

Thoughts While Waiting

So, I'm sitting here waiting for Brandon to be ready to go camping. I thought I'd be the one holding us up this time, but nope. I'm ready. Ready ages ago.

So, I got a bike. I'm trying to write that like it's just a little piece of news and I'm not even excited. The way my brain thinks about it is this: I got a bike!! I got a bike!!! I, Mindy, have a road bike!!!! I've gone on two 10+ mile bike rides and I've only fallen over a few times. ;) It's a little bit hard for me, apparently, to get the clipping in and out thing down. Being a photographer has many many perks. I love it. I got this bike in trade for photography for a bike shop. Pretty darn cool if you ask me. They're awesome there... if you want a bike, you should totally go to Salt Cycles in Sandy.

Well, maybe it's time to go. So long... I'm going camping!!

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

This last weekend was a good one for me. Yay! :) We got to visit a bit with Brandon's brother, Tanner, and Leisha and Maylee. It was so good to see them, and see how cute Maylee is and how much she has grown. She's very good at saying "cracker". It's impressive. :) I had a blast taking their family photos & Maylee's one year old photos. Is this not the perfect one year old capture? Just about walking on her own... but still hanging on to daddy. :)

We got to hang out a little bit with the Oyler family too, which was great, since we don't get together as often as we should. :) It was fun to go out on a triple date one night to Dinosaur Brew Haus, and eat breakfast together on Labor Day. We saw June take a few steps on her own (I swear that she was born yesterday) and the kids had fun running around with Molly and Annie.

One of the highlights of my month... maybe my year... was going to the temple for my friend, Tasha. She was sealed to her husband and four sweet, adorable, children. I was so grateful that she let me be a part of that...  it was such a neat experience, and so so needed in my life right now. I can't even express what a wonderful two days I had in the temple.

One of the things that hit me the most was when they had the chance to say yes, that they want to be married to each other for time and for all eternity. I thought how neat it was that they said yes years ago, and four kids and lots of life later they still say yes. :) It made me think of my relationship with Brandon ... how grateful I am for him. How if I had the chance to say yes to him again... after 16 years, 3 kids, 6 pregnancies, ups and downs, highs and lows, lots of loving and some fighting too... I wouldn't even hesitate. It would be a yes, and I would mean it even more than when I said yes the first time.

A couple of my amazingly amazing friends (did I mention that they are amazing??) are going to come have a painting party with me for my kitchen. I am so excited to have it done, but I still don't know what color to paint it. I think I did the wrong floor, but I don't know, because really, anything I think of goes with the floor I have, but it's just not quite right. I don't know what would have been right, though.

I am so anxious to get things nicer with my house lately that it feels like I'm nesting or something. But NO, I am not nesting, and not joking about it, especially in light of the facebook controversy that has been going on lately. (To bring awareness to breast cancer (ha. ha hahaha. tell me how this brings awareness in any way) people are posting "secret" status updates about how many weeks along they are and what they are craving... decided from their birth month and day. It's created uproar among the infertile community, which I get... Anyway, if I were to help spread breast cancer awareness, I'd write a facebook status that says, hey, check your breasts for lumps. Anyone can get breast cancer... women and men. Donate to help find the cure. Hug your grandma who is a breast cancer survivor. Be grateful for benign lumps. Be grateful for life.)

Wow, that was a tangent. Is it even okay to say that much inside parenthesis? ;)

Back to my house... I have too much stuff, and I started really looking at my decorations. Some of them are like 15 years old. I started pulling stuff down yesterday and putting what I don't want in a box. When I look in that box it looks like junk that I would turn my nose up at if I saw it at DI. I'd say, who would buy that?? Ugh. I don't know why I still have some of it. I guess it's memories... that's what Brandon says anyway. I asked him if he's tired of me, since he's had me around for so long. He said that he'll keep me... cause of the memories and stuff. ;)

Gosh, I'm chatty today. I'm supposed to be working on photography stuff, and I am... I'm just taking breaks to blab on here every once in awhile when things pop in my head. I think I'll put some music on and quit writing. I've probably said way too many embarrassing things already. ;)

Family Night with Cedar

Yesterday Brandon got all of the burrs cleared out of Cedar's pasture, so we brought her back to the pasture last night for a little riding and fun. (You should have seen her mane with all the burrs in it... I should've taken a picture. All I know, is if I looked in the mirror and saw that my mane was matted into one big burr-mess, I would cry. Poor Cedar. It took Brandon a very long time to pick each one out.)

Brandon rode first. We were worried that Cedar would probably only be good for Brandon, at least for awhile, but she's actually really gentle. She's good with commands, just a squeeze with either leg will turn her, and she is patient. She spooks a little sometimes, so we have to be careful, but I'm happy that she's turning out to be such a good horse so far. Brandon thinks she's a little smaller than what he would like for him eventually, and thinks she's just right for my size...maybe by the time I'm actually good at riding horses, she can be mine and he'll have a bigger one.

Cedar had just run through sprinklers... to explain the dots on her. ;) Cooper was so excited to ride! He had a grin on his face almost the entire time.

Can you see the grin? Yep. He loves loves loves her.

Brandon got his exercise running everyone around for awhile.

And Tyler rode a bit by himself. He did a great job!

I handed my camera over to Tyler to take a few photos of me riding. I forgot that I'm not supposed to talk while people are taking my picture. They're either blurry, or I'm talking. And I'm not pretty when someone captures a still photo of me talking. It kind of scares me... do I look that bad when I'm talking in real life? Oh, the horror. Anyway, I loved riding. I'm excited to get better at it, and thinking about learning to ride bareback.  I sat on Cedar without a saddle the other day, and I think I liked it a bit better. We'll see... she doesn't seem to mind either way.

We all love Cedar, and are glad that she's part of our family. :)

Oh, and we do love our daughter, Aubrey, too... she's just never around anymore. ;)

Straight to the Heart of the Matter

First, before you read any of what I write, you have to go over and read this post over at Brave Girls. It made me cry. I related. I thought. I cried.

One time, a long time ago... Brandon worked at Inkley's in Rexburg. I was going to visit him at work, and for some reason the traffic was ridiculous that day. I waited in the left turn lane, with a parking spot right there in my sight, for what seemed like forever. It was the only parking spot on the road, and I was signaling, showing it was mine. When it looked like traffic was about to clear, someone turned right, right into my spot. I was so mad. I flipped around on the road, had to drive a block away and walk to the store. Couldn't they see that I had been waiting and signaling for that spot?

Then, I walk into the store, and a man comes up to me and says "I am so sorry, I didn't realize that you were there until after I had already pulled in." I forgave him immediately, but the real lesson came later... he had come into Inkley's to bring photos to be developed. Photos of his wife and newborn baby... his wife, who had died right after childbirth just days before.

I could not believe that I had even had one thought of anger. When his whole life had been ripped apart, turned upside down... I had been worried about a parking space. A parking space! I would have stood there for the whole day saving it for him, if I had known. But that's the thing... so often we don't know. We don't even have the blessing of finding out after the fact what "sign" a person might be wearing most of the time. We just judge, treat harshly, and think of ourselves.

I've had my own struggles... times where I smile to everyone, but I am wondering how I'm going to make it through the next day... times where my pillow is wet from crying and I can't sleep, where my fears are so great that I can't breathe. Times where I wish somebody could really know what I'm going through and not say things that make everything that much harder... even when they have no intention of hurt. I'm willing to bet that more of us are struggling in private than any of us will ever know. We can't share everything... we don't want to share everything... but wouldn't that make the world a little kinder, easier place if we just knew when gentleness was needed?

Here's my challenge for myself... to remember that there is never a time when gentleness isn't needed. Yes, it's that simple, yet so complex. I will do my best... will you?

It's Kind of a Funny Thing

 Yesterday... it was one of those days that I just lost it a little bit. It started out great... working out at the gym with a friend, going to lunch with another friend... but quickly went downhill. It's kind of funny now, really... but what kind of mom goes to the middle school to pick up her 8th grader (who is now in junior high?) I got all the way to the office, asked for Tyler, waited for her to find him... then realized my blunder. Yes, I was embarrassed. By the time I got to the junior high to check him out for our dentist appointments, the after-school crowd of cars was there. Tyler's reluctance to go and dilly-dallying didn't help the situation, and we had a 35 minute drive ahead of us to do in 20 minutes. Needless to say, we didn't make it in time... and they couldn't get us both in anymore.

 Add to that a huge windshield chip, stupid drivers, and life crap just weighing me down, and I wasn't coping very well. Then... I thought Cooper had to go to a birthday party at 6:00. At 6:10 we're rushing to their door, me thinking "who IS this girl who is late to everything?? It can't possibly be me"... just to find out that the birthday party is tomorrow. Yes, I think I've reached my quota of feeling stupid in one day for sure. My house was (is) a mess, and I had apricot picking drama added on top of everything else. I might have cried a little... not because my life is so hard or so bad, but because I feel like silly things like this should be easy for me to handle, and I wasn't handling it well.

Finally I sat down and just edited... I knew that one of the stresses weighing me down was the sessions I have coming up (5 more this week)... and knowing that I still had sessions on the editing block was worrying me. It helped... a lot. I loved the little surprises of a great expression, or the light hitting just so. I loved the soothing feeling of going through the photos one at a time, choosing the ones that spoke to me. It lifted some of the weight off to know that I am caught up... for now... but it also made me realize that I have to step back and remember why I do this. Because I love it. Because it is me. 

I still felt like a failure as a mom, as a homemaker, as a manager of this family and house. I know we all have days like that (right? tell me you do) but it's not a fun feeling. I daydreamed about running away yesterday. We all do that sometimes (right? tell me you do). 

I realized that I'm going to have to quit teaching violin lessons... and I'm so scared to tell my students. How dumb is that? It's my life... but I feel huge guilt about it. Huge. 

Well, it's a new day. I'm going to try to keep myself together today and actually be on time to things... and actually get something done in my house. 

Who am I kidding? I'm a mess.  ;)

Back to School... Already

 Some gorgeous woman came to my porch this morning, so I took pictures. Wait! That's Aubrey! When did she turn into a grown up? She said she always looks bad on the first day of school, but I think not. I think she's stunning.

 This is Aubrey's junior year. She's been working all summer, paid for most of her back to school stuff, including her school fees, and she's already into the cross country running season. She's taking pre-calculus, AP English, Seminary, Sports Medicine, Choir, and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. She can't wait until she's 16. Sigh.

 My kids all got nice backpacks this year (I'm sick of 2 months into the year dealing with broken zippers, broken straps, and holes in the bottom of the backpack.) The boys' are LL Bean... guaranteed, baby. Aubrey bought her own.

 Cooper's going to be a 5th grader. He gets to go to the brand spankin' new school for his last year in elementary. It's a big beautiful school. He gets to have 3 different teachers every day... kind of a transition into middle school. His favorite subject is science.

 In the past, Cooper has been super good at making friends and being the kid that everyone in the class just loved. He hasn't been as good at that in the last couple years, so we have a challenge this year. If he makes 10 new friends we're going to have a "good-bye elementary school" party at the end of the year. I think he'll do it.

 One of my favorite things is the night-before-school father's blessings that Brandon gives the kids every year. We always laugh about the wet heads the kids get from dad's tears falling down. The kids all got some great promises and blessings last night. I just know this is going to be a good year for all of them.

 Tyleroni is going to be in Junior High this year... 8th grade. (They have elementary (k-5), then middle school (6-7), then junior high (8-9), then high school here.) He's excited to go, but not excited about where his locker is, and not excited that he narrowly missed being in honors math.

When he heard of the deal I made with Cooper, he decided to go one better. He's going to lose 10 enemies and make 10 friends. They can be the same people, or different people... either way it's a good thing. He's also going to work on getting all A's (my idea) or all A's and maybe a few B's (his idea). Honestly, I'll be fine with that.

Well, there goes another summer, and here comes another school year. I'd have to say that we're ready, although the summer did go by too fast. I sure love my kids, and am so grateful that I get to be a mom to these three totally awesome incredible smart sassy good-lookin' kiddos.

Don't Forget

You are strong.

It might be hard, like a marathon,

but you can do it.