Disappointment

I don't have much time to write this, so I hope I make sense and I don't say anything offensive... but I have to get my frustration out so I can quit thinking about it.

Disappointment #1:  The school system. Bullies. I am so sad for Tyler, and so disappointed in the way that things have gone that I could cry.  I have no illusions that my son is blameless or perfect... not at all, but imagine this: You are a 12 year old boy.  You leave the classroom to get a drink, and when you come back, two of your papers (one an assignment, one a drawing you had been working on for your little brother) are crumpled.  You find out who did it.  You go crumple a piece of paper on his desk.  You get in a little tussle, back off and it's over.  You think.  Then, at lunchtime a kid you don't really know tells you that someone wants to talk to you.  You go to the spot he says and he tells you he'll be right back.  You honestly think that some kid just wants to talk to you. Then this paper crumpling kid comes and starts punching you.  You tell yourself if you don't punch back... if you just let him hit you, that you won't get in trouble.  So you stand there, and take punches to your face, and hope that it will be over soon, and you won't get in trouble.  As the fight goes on, you start trying to fend off the punches, and at the end finally do punch once or twice before you can get away.  Someone records the end of this fight on their cell phone.  You go to the principal's office, you see the video someone took, which is the end part where you were a little more aggressive, because you didn't see the end in sight of being the punching bag for this kid.  You get suspended from school.  You have bruises on your face.  Your mom isn't happy with you, and makes you do a lot of chores around the house which you quietly and humbly do.  When your mom finds out the whole story, she calls and talks to the principal, and is told that the other kids have gotten more punishment and decides to let it go.  You go back to school on Monday.  You find out the other kid didn't get suspended any longer than you did... he's there.  People tease you all day because you "got beat up" and didn't fight back.  Two kids (including the one who beat you up) tell you that they got another recording of the fight and they "can't wait to see you get beat up on youtube".  Your dad and mom tell you if that kid hits you again to beat the shit out of him, because apparently you get suspended either way.  You don't want to fight.  You resist this counsel from your parents, because you don't want to fight or get in trouble.

Pretty sucky, isn't it??  Yeah, I think so.  And this isn't all that he has endured.  He has tried SO hard the entire year to not get in trouble, and he has succeeded so far.  He, a boy who loves sports, was relieved when the semester with PE in it was over, because he had to endure harassment in the locker room every single day.  When he finally went to the principal to get relief, they said they'd "take care of it", but nothing changed.  I know it has been an effort for him to stay out of trouble, and he was devastated that he made it this far, only to get suspended.  Brandon talked to the principal again today, and still met with a wall.  We have no way to fix this, and no way to help our son.  I realize that it's hard for administration to know exactly what is going on, and hard to know how to make every punishment fair, but there has to be a better way.  There has to.

Disappointment #2:  When Aubrey and I signed up to do the Relay for Life I thought it would be a piece of cake to raise the $200 we pledged to raise together.  I naively thought that I have so much family, so many friends, so many people that would donate a little bit of money that it would add right up, and I'd probably even have more than I needed!  I thought between my facebook announcements, blog requests, and emails that I'd surely have donations pouring in.  Now, please know, I know that not everyone CAN donate, and I understand.  I'm not upset at any individual person, just disappointed in the experience as a whole.  I don't know everyone's circumstances, and I didn't expect that everyone would donate.  I did expect more response than I got, though.  My biggest donation was from an online friend whom I have never met.  Then I got one from an online friend I briefly met once, a local friend, and my college brother.  That's it.  I'm sure everyone thought that everyone else would donate, and I'm sure that some of you just can't afford to donate even $5 right now...  Well, I better just stop.  (edited to add: I didn't realize that the website had a $10 minimum donation, and I know that's more than some people can swing right now.  If you really want to donate $5, or $1, contact me about raffle tickets, or donate directly to me.  I'm sorry that I didn't realize that minimum donation thing.)  I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I just wanted to express my surprise and disappointment.  I don't know why I feel this great need to do these fundraising efforts for cancer lately, but the only way I can describe it is that I am compelled to do it.  I MUST do it.  Honestly, I have enough on my plate right now that I do not need to add fundraising and all night walks and photo shoot marathons to my plate, but I MUST.  Anyway, I'm sorry I'm a pest.  I'm sure I'll be able to find other ways to raise the money Aubrey and I need.  And I VERY MUCH appreciate the donations that we have received.  Thank you.

Well, this post is a downer.  I'm sorry.  Tomorrow will be better.